In just about 3 months I will be walking down the aisle again. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and I guess it is time. The first time I got married we eloped so this is really the first time I have planned a wedding. Now I am no spring chicken and as the date gets closer I keep thinking ‘why did we not elope??’.
For those of you that have planned a wedding I am sure you know all the little details that need to be taken care of. Just when you think you have a handle on everything, someone says ‘what about this?’ URGH!
Because my fiancé and I are both, well…not spring chickens we made it clear to everyone this is our wedding and we will do what we want. We are paying for it so have your opinion but ultimately the final decision is ours. Awesome!
My fiancé has never been married so for his parents this is kind of a big deal. We picked a venue, decided on the menu and thought we were done. After letting his parents know what would be served for dinner they offered to pay for the reception meal. I was so touched that they wanted to do that. The only stipulation was they got to have a say in the menu. Ok I can live with that. Problem is I have food allergies and sensitivities and I don’t want to have to tuck an Epipen into my garter.
So do I speak up and say, no way to the seafood platter (I am anaphylactic to most seafood)? Do I put my foot down and insist the pasta is gluten free? Do I make sure there is no corn or soy as part of the ingredients?
I have decided to smile and be grateful these two really sweet people wanted to be part of the menu planning for their only son’s wedding. They want glutinous pasta and a seafood course. The chef knows the bride is allergic to seafood so my meal will be sequestered and I am bringing in gluten free pasta for myself and a few other guests, which will be cooked separate from the regular pasta.
The reality is; how much will I really be eating that day? After talking to many other brides, they all said the same thing. They never even got to taste the food at their wedding. So I am going to concede and let them have what they want, I have control over everything else. We are having a gluten free wedding cake, I picked the flowers, my dress, tuxedos, bridesmaid dresses, décor, venue, etc. etc.
A few people are shocked and have been giving me grief over my decision. Now if this was my kid’s birthday party and they were insisting on having seafood and he was allergic, well that is a completely different story! Momma Bear would come out and there would not be a shrimp within 50 miles of that party!!
I am an adult and I know how to keep safe and if I have to tuck an Epipen into my garter well so be it.
No sense getting upset. I had a wedding already, he hasn’t and his parents have never been able to be part of the planning for his wedding. It is one day that will fly by in a blink of an eye. In the end I am marrying my best friend and that is all that is important to me. The food is secondary so I am letting it go.
My decision to shut up I think is a way to honor his parents and their wishes. If it were his aunt, cousin or even sibling I would probably say ‘whoa hold on there, I have food allergies’. His parents are in their 80’s and don’t understand food allergies. His mom tries when I eat there. She made lasagna with gluten free pasta at Easter! For a very traditional Italian momma that was a big deal! She put wheat bread crumbs in the meat but hey she tried and it was appreciated. She buys bread made from corn flour (I am sensitive to corn), but the thing is she does try. The statement ‘justa eat a little bit’ has been uttered. Again the understanding is not there but the effort is so I shut up.
If I were in a restaurant, I would definitely stand up for my food allergies and be very firm about what I can and cannot have. My in-laws have never tried to push seafood on me (that is the one that will kill me) and always has a different option for me on occasions like Christmas Eve when the traditional meal is fish and seafood.
Perhaps if I were a younger bride and had never been through the whole process, I may feel different. I know brides that have fought tooth and nail with their mother’s over the smallest of details (ravioli vs tortellini)! My wish for our wedding is everyone comes and has a great time and we look back on the day with fond memories. I will be vigilant when it comes to what I am eating and as long as the chef knows what I can and can’t have and understands cross-contamination then it will be perfect!